A change needs to happen and it’s going to start now.
Do you ever feel like your heart could just burst, for no reason at all? It’s been a hard week with my grandfather passing away, God rest his soul, and the holidays coming up but it feels like more than just that. Like I’m not able to handle life as well, like just simple thoughts cause panic attacks and seeing a couple walking by holding hands can suddenly restrict my breathing. It scares me. I just want to curl up on the couch and will all the pain to go away. I pray for it to be taken from me yet I know there are memories of that boy, the ones that cause deep scars, that I am clinging to for dear life even as I pray those words. I don’t want to give those memories up, I want to remember those times, I love those times. The times when he would look in my eyes like I was the only person in the entire world. The times we would cook dinner together or go table shopping together. The times when we’d be driving through a parking lot and he’d tell me to stop just so he could kiss me. Is this why I’m such a mess? Still clinging to those memories of a failed relationship from a year and a half ago? I know he was the first man I ever loved, but this is getting to be ridiculous. And knowing this about myself, knowing that I need to let all of this go, still doesn’t seem to help. I’ve dated other people and I know I wouldn’t take him back even if he asked, so why can’t I breathe?
Obviously, I can still handle life because I’m still here.
Obviously, I need help.
“I don’t love studying. I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful.”
- Natalie Portman
What a perfect quote.
(Source: theperksofbeinglauren)
"The reading of all good books is like conversation with the finest men of the past centuries."
-Descartes (via firstbook)
This is the cutest commercial I have ever seen in my entire life! I love it!
Sharpie Pen - The Proposal 2011 (by SharpieUS)
Day 34
Don’t you just love getting back to a hotel room to find you’re sunburned? You don’t? Neither do I, but it happened anyways. Here’s some of the other epicness that went down today:
- Slept in!
- Had a pretty good breakfast at the hotel.
- Headed down to the waterfront where we had talked to a lady the other day about a hop-on-hop-off double decker bus tour. We purchased the all loops tour that also included the night tour!
- We got on the top of the bus on the downtown loop first and our tour guide Graham was hilarious! We took the whole tour, without getting off and when we got back to the headquarters we stayed on the bus so we could get off at the Chinatown stop. It was equally hilarious the second time around although Graham had to ask us not to answer some of the questions since we’d already heard the answers.
- When we got off in Chinatown the first order of business was food! We ate at the Empress of China which was delicious! Then we continued down Grant street until we got to the Wok Shop so Amy could get her wok. We continued onward toward Union Square. When we got there we heard music and laughter and clapping and headed toward a large gathering of people. We wandered over to see what all the commotion was about. An Acrobatic group was performing and they pulled this one lady out of the audience. There were two guys and a girl who were all siblings from England and another guy from the acrobatics school they go to were all there doing tricks. I got my picture with one of them too!
- We went to the top of Knob Hill to rode the cable car all the way back down to Fisherman’s Wharf. The people who got in line behind us told us where to go to get tickets so I went to get those while Amy kept our places in line. I was on my way to where the ticket box was but heard music which drew my attention, low and behold it was a FLASH MOB! I have watched flash mobs on youtube but I’ve never seen one in person. It was a fantastic surprise! Riding down on the cable cars was a lot of fun too! I enjoyed watching the worker pull on the levers to make the cable car go and stop.
- We headed to the tour bus headquarters to go on the Golden Gate Bridge/Sacelido tour. We hit lots of traffic but Betsy, our tour guide, was hilarious!
- We got back from that tour just in time to get on a different bus for the night time tour of San Francisco (which was actually from 7-8:30ish and not really at night with the city all lit up like we were hoping). We did see the park and houses that the opening scenes from Full House were shot though which was incredibly exciting!
- We got back to the wharf and went to Boulin for dinner where we got sandwiches with sourdough bread.
Tomorrow we’re going to see Casey Woods!!! I’m so excited! I’m also super tired though. So g’night y’all!
Some guy on the street singing Come Sail Away by STYX!!! I <3 this city! :D
